Symmetry Talk
by LoxusXV
Summary: Kid has a new TV show and as the title states it talks about symmetry! The much procrastinated eighth and final episode is now here!
1. Chapter 1

**Perfectly Symmetrical Waffles – Endorsed by Death the Kid!**

"Hello and welcome, today I shall explain to you the importance of symmetrical waffles," Death the Kid said into the camera for his short show on symmetry as he held up a perfectly symmetrical waffle, "See how beautiful this waffle is! Perfect symmetry! No flaw in sight!" he exclaimed happy to be around something so symmetrical then he held up another waffle, "Now this waffle is hideous! No symmetry at all!" Kid's smile turned into a scowl as he threw the asymmetrical waffle onto the ground, "It makes me sick! How can people stand to put such garbage into their bodies? It's disgusting! Makes no sense at all! People who can stand to eat asymmetrical food are pathetic! I hope they all perish! They've got no right to live!"

As Kid continued his OCD induced rant Liz appeared at his side and whispered in his ear, "Hey Kid you aren't doing a great job at selling your 'symmetrical waffles.'" With that Liz went back to help Patti with the camera.

Death the Kid held his fist to his mouth and coughed, "Oh right, I am very sorry, please excuse me for my outburst. Now for those who have been wondering, obviously all of you must be curious by now, how do you eat a symmetrical waffle symmetrically? It's rather simple." He grabbed a plate, butter, syrup, waffle, and knife, "First place the waffle exactly in the center and make sure to spread the butter on it evenly; make sure not to ruin its beautiful symmetry. Then you must cut the waffle evenly into eight perfect pieces. Once that is done, very carefully and symmetrically pour the syrup on evenly. Now it is ready to be consumed," the asymmetrical boy smiled to himself at his excellent work. "If any of you would like to try symmetrical waffles, then go to your nearest mirror and call this number '888-564-4242'; these perfect waffles come in packages of eight so that we may keep to the beauty of symmetry. Please call now and I shall deliver them personally."

As he was about to finish his show, Black*Star burst through the wall, "Yahoo! The great Black*Star is here!" the loud mouth moron exclaimed snatching a waffle from Kid's hand then taking a giant bite out of it, "Wow! These waffles are amazing! Perfect for a god like me! Ahahaha!"

Kid slowly turned toward Black*Star with a glare so scary, Black*Star himself was terrified, **"Black*Star you moron! How could you ruin the symmetry of my waffle! It was perfect! Now you will pay!"**

Black*Star gulped then started to run away with Kid chasing him on Beelzebub.

Liz sighed and went in front of the camera again, "Well that concludes this episode of 'Symmetry Talk,' please join us next time when Kid explains the importance a symmetrical household."

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><p>Author's Note: ...I keep getting crack ideas from my friends...also I believe that random crack is more important than math homework...meaning I've been writing crack rather than doing math homework...<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**A Symmetrical Mind Dwells in a Symmetrical House and a Symmetrical Body**

"Hello and welcome back to Symmetry Talk," the son of the great Lord Death greeted as his image appeared on thousands of Television screens worldwide. "Today we broadcast live from my symmetrical home. It's just beautiful; isn't it? Eight beautiful bedrooms, eight coat closets, eight bathrooms, ahh the symmetry. A symmetrical home makes for a symmetrical body and mind you know," Death the Kid stated with a dreamy expression on his face.

Suddenly though, he became cross with his viewers, "But if your home lacks in symmetry you're garbage! You are no better than kishin and witches! You might as well _die_! In fact call this number," as he ranted the toll-free number '888-564-4242' appeared on the Television screens of viewers everywhere, "And I, Death the Kid will maim you personally!"

"Hey Kid," Liz muttered from behind the camera where Patti was having a giggle-fit, "If you want to avoid lawsuit, I think you should stop threatening the weirdoes out there watching this…"

"Oh, right," he said not noticing that Liz, his trusted weapon, had insulted his wonderful broadcast, "I apologize for my rude outburst but this is a rather serious matter. Do you notice how there are no rings on the coffee table in this room? And how even the total of eight candle in this room melt evenly? The pictures on the wall aren't off by the slightest hair and now you must follow me to the kitchen. This is something quite marvelous."

Once they were in the kitchen, Kid opened the refrigerator, "Notice the French doors? And how I've personally organized the contents to be symmetrical? It only takes a few moments to create such symmetry and just be carefu-" the son of death was interrupted by a loud crash in the living room. Quickly he ran there, just to find that his friends had let themselves in. What was more Soul had placed his feet on the table. He didn't even bother to take his shoes off! How could his friends do this to him? Had they no hearts? But this was no time for sulking; Kid was going to set them straight.

"Remember, Symmetry Talk is not responsible for any injuries to anyone, you should not call the number from before unless you wish to receive Symmetrical Waffles. Please do not hurt yourself or other around you for their lack of symmetry. Tune in next time and stay symmetrical," Liz said quickly as she appeared in front of the camera, while Death the Kid marched off to pulverize his friend for damaging his symmetry.

Later that day, Kid wound up visiting Soul in the academy's infirmary, practically Death City's hospital, to apologize for his rude behavior. But Soul could not forgive the young death god, as he was still out cold.

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><p>Author's Note: I do hope this was enjoyable and I do have another chapter for this planned. This is for Sincerely The Sign Painter and Cyanide 6, since they were nice and reviewed. Also the French doors on the refrigerator my mother was explaining how our new frig would be and it sounded symmetrical, I'm thinking of naming it Death the Kid.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Learn to Clean your Toilet Bowl Symmetrically!**

"Hello, welcome to another glorious episode of Symmetry Talk! Today I welcome you to my bathroom, were I shall teach all you wonderful viewers how to clean a toilet symmetrically," Death the Kid greeted with a gentlemanly smile. "First we will get the cleaner and symmetrical toilet brush. Liz, Patti, where is the toilet brush?"

"Does it matter? I don't think there _is_ a symmetrical way to clean a toilet…just to make it symmetrically clean in the end which is pretty simple. I doubt that we really need a whole segment about it," Liz replied, in her assigned place, behind the camera with her younger sister.

"There isn't? You didn't think to bring this up at the meeting? Patti did you know about this?"

"Uh huh!" the cheery blonde responded with a giggle, though it was probable that she wasn't even paying attention.

"Great, just great. Now what are we going to do? If I don't have anything symmetrical to show the world then…then **I might as well die!** After all I'm just garbage! Always talking so high and mighty of symmetry but yet so disgustingly asymmetrical because of these stupid white lines that won't go away! I should die…kill me…just kill me now…" The asymmetrical death god was now curled up in his trademark ball on the ground, crying. Patti as usual laughed and giggled while Liz sighed in irritation.

"Why don't you talk about how symmetrical friends are better than asymmetrical ones?" Liz suggested, deciding that letting the world see their future leader in such a state was not necessarily a good thing. "I mean Maka's pretty symmetrical and she is more understanding of your…uh love of symmetry than Soul-who is asymmetrical."

"That's brilliant!" Kid exclaimed becoming cheerful, "Let us take our leave, now!"

When the group reached their friends' apartment, Kid knocked at the door, like the gentleman that he was, at least when there wasn't anything disgustingly asymmetrical in view. "Hello Soul, I must request entry into yours and Maka's humble abode upon urgent circumstances. You see I was unable to find an actual symmetrical way to clean a toilet bowl, plus I lost my symmetrical toilet brush so I must compare you and Maka based upon your differences in symmetry."

Though the young reaper thought this was a reasonable explanation, Soul was lost and did not feel like going to the infirmary for a month again so as he shut the door he replied, "No way, it ain't too cool to be cooped up in a hospital bed for weeks. See ya at school…maybe."

"No! Wait! Please! I beg of you!" the young man started to cry.

"Soul, who's at the door? Oh Kid, hello, come in," Maka said cheerily. "What is it that you need?"

"I need you to stand here, if that is not too much trouble, just look symmetrical, yes, just like that thank you, thank you so much! Now Soul you stand there! No, not there, there! Yes there perfect you asymmetrical slob!"

After shouting at Soul, Death the Kid took his place between his friends in front of the camera, "Thank you for your patience. Now you see, to my left is a symmetrical young lady, she is one of my good friends and a top student at Shibusen academy. To my right is another student of Shibusen. He is a terrible student and asymmetrical, always sleeping in class and never appreciative at all about symmetry and its marvelous beauty! Do you see where I am going with this? Basically the more symmetrical the person, the better the person is. This is why I try my hardest to be symmetrical, unlike this moron to my right who shall burn in flames from Hell for his incredible lack of symmetry!"

Kid's little speech was starting to tick off the demon scythe, who was the spoiled brat to judge him when he had those three Sanzu lines. "Who're you callin' asymmetrical ya freak! Did ya look in the mirror lately! Not so symmetrical, is it! I outta kick your sorry butt for saying I'll burn in flames from Hell for being asymmetrical! If I'm gonna then so are you!"

"At least I care about symmetry you pompous fool! I cannot burn in flames from Hell for I am an avenger of symmetry! I shall make sure there is symmetry where ever I go, unlike you who couldn't care less!"

While the two argued in a heated battle of shouting, Maka left her station to find her book. Unlike most days it did not just appear in her hands, it was most weird. As soon as she found her book, it was lights out for both idiots.

"Don't worry, if you aren't symmetrical you won't burn in flames from Hell, Kid is just being over-dramatic," Maka giggled as the image of Symmetry Talk faded from televisions nationwide.

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><p>Author's Note: Ta-da! I meant to finish this sooner but here it is! I had a lot of fun writing the part comparing Maka and Soul and symmetry and stuff XD and I said 'avenger of symmetry' because that Avengers movie just came out...even if I don't have interest in seeing it. It's just kinda ironic that way. Um...also any ideas on another episode of Symmetry Talk?<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Symmetrical Injuries Are the Only Injuries**

"Hello my beautiful viewers welcome to the fourth lovely episode of Symmetry Talk. So far this is the best episode, it is half of the most symmetrical number, but that is not our topic today. Today we shall speak of, injuries and how if you are going to injure yourself, do it symmetrically," Death the Kid introduced his show in his usual sophisticated way. "As you know in my previous episode I had been injured while in an argument with a most asymmetrical moron. Now I understand I probably deserved that but Maka, the one who had hit me did not hit me with the book symmetrically. This was most bothersome, thus she had to hit me again so I could regain the balance of symmetry and order. So with that said, one cannot just injure themselves asymmetrically!" The Death God's rampage was starting on cue, "If you are hurt at least have the decency to do it symmetrically! I mean seriously! If you break your arm why not just break the other one and by symmetrical? Sure you might have problems writing but you'll be symmetrical! And symmetry, in case you haven't realized it yet, is everything! Even a little kid broke their arms symmetrically, so why can't you if you end up breaking your arms? This kid didn't even cry when they broke their arms! You want to know why? **Their arms were broken symmetrically that's why!**"

"Hey, Kid calm down would ya? You always do this…" Liz muttered behind the camera, with Patti shouting, "Yup!"

"Oh right, I'm sorry but…the symmetry it's just so beautiful, its power is just so amazing. It's like once I have the chance to talk about its amazing power it get so carried away that I just go insane. But I'm serious that you should always try your best to have symmetrical injuries! Of course no injuries would be the best choice…Anyway I think my point has been made. Hmm this was a rather short episode…but I have no more to talk about. Until the fifth episode, please keep things symmetrical."

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><p>Author's Note: It was a short chapter...and after not updating for awhile. But the little kid who broke their arms that's sorta true, that was my friend like some amount of years ago but I doubt she knew what symmetry was at the time. I, on the other hand never got hurt symmetrically it's such a burden (I was rambling just to get 444 words total)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**The Issues with Cartoons**

"Welcome, lovely viewers, to the lesser fifth episode of Symmetry Talk. Do any of you watch cartoons? Such as Looney Toons or Tom and Jerry? Yes well while you are watching them how are you not appalled? There is no symmetry. There are more cartoons that commit this horrid offense. That program about the two brothers with the oddly shaped faces, Phineas and Ferb I believe. Sure they are doing amazing things but how can they compare to a simple symmetrical painting?" The son of Death stated clearly as though his thinking were the way of the world.

"Just yesterday Patti was watching Tom and Jerry, there was another mouse in it, this one grey. It cut the whiskers off of the cat but only on one side. That is when I turned to the cat's side. I realize the mouse is the one you are to root for but how can one just ignore the horrible act? Maybe this cat is just trying to get Jerry because he makes things asymmetrical. But I don't suppose anyone has thought of this as they are too busy with laughter."

Behind the camera, Liz sighed sometimes her meister just took things too seriously. It was a cartoon, if everything was symmetrical in it then it would be difficult to draw.

"About Looney Toons, I'm okay that they have incredible lack of plot, but perhaps they could remake it into something less asymmetrical. Symmetry Toons, now that would be the perfect comical cartoon. But I doubt anyone would watch it, the animators would probably do such a horrid job and mess up somewhere. It would just be dreadful to have a cartoon about symmetry but then the creators to screw up along the way. That might just be worse than an asymmetrical show where really nothing is symmetrical…" the boy muttered reaching that conclusion, tears coming to his eyes, "Well I'm going to sulk now, these images are making me depressed…goodbye."

Liz sighed again, helping her little sister turn off the camera. There was supposed to be another seven minutes of the show but there was no way she'd remind him of that.

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><p>Author's Note: I really don't have much to say here...thanks for reading!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Symmetry Oats**

"Hello beautiful symmetry lovers. Today I shall be promoting my new, symmetrical, product," Death the Kid greeted his not able to be seen audience. "When eating breakfast, many go for cereal in the morning, it is easier to prepare but isn't all that symmetrical. Especially when it becomes soggy. This cereal I and the wonderful symmetrical lab technicians in my facility created will always stay symmetrical all. Trust me this is no lie. Really how could one lie about such an important matter? This perfect cereal is known as symmetry oats!"

The boy gestured to the table next to him, where a box of this symmetrical cereal stood. "Even the box is symmetrical," he picked of the cereal box and displayed all sides of it. "It is beautiful. Much better than the Death City brand Cinnamon Shibusen. It is a true disgrace upon my father's splendid facility. The asymmetrical pigs that created it should rot in a garbage heap! Sure this cereal tastes good but putting filth into your body will make you sick! Not only is symmetry oats tasty they are **perfect**!"

"Will you not have a total freak out for once, Kid!" Liz was losing her patience as her meister once again totally lost it.

"You may pick up a box at your local Death-Mart, or you may order it from my website or call 888-564-4242. One box cost two dollars, two for four dollars, four for eight dollars. Thank you for watching this episode of Symmetry Talk, I have important business to now attend to, you shall see me next time. And remember soon we will be at our eighth episode. How marvelous is that? Have a wonderful symmetrical day."

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><p>Author's Note: If a website called BeautifulSymmetry really does exist I DO NOT OWN IT! I tried to see if there was and there was a beautifulsymmetry on wordpress but that was all I think but I'm still making it clear I don't own any type of website. Thank you for reading have a nice day. Or night, or afternoon, or evening...<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

**The Number Seven Must Lose!**

At the airing time of the wondrous show of symmetry many viewers tuned in to see what Death the Kid had to rant about this time. But he was not saying a word; he just sat eight feet away from the camera. Liz and Patti, his trusted weapons, stood next him while in front of him; they had gotten Maka and Tsubaki to hold the camera. Today was the seventh episode of Symmetry Talk and Kid would not give a word to the blasted number seven.

"Hello this is the next episode of Symmetry Talk," Elizabeth Thompson said, avoiding speaking of the accursed number.

"Usually Kid-kun would be saying how to be symmetrical in something but he's too depressed about the episode number! So we're just gonna fill in the time! Isn't that fun!" Patti exclaimed. "Hey sis what are we going to do to past the time anyway?"

"Hmm I don't know, but if it isn't symmetrical then Kid will have a fit afterwards…but really I don't care."

"Can I-" Patti was cut off by the squeaking of a marker, the sisters looked back of Kid. The symmetry-lover was holding a sign, yelling at them that they cannot under any circumstances give in to the horrid number seven and that they were only filming anything for this episode so that they could have an episode eight.

"Then why don't we turn the camera off already!" Liz shouted at him. While Maka and Tsubaki sighed behind the camera, why didn't they say no when they had the chance. It should have been obvious that it'd end up being like this.

Kid scribbled on his board again. Reminding his pistol that they needed a few more minutes left before they could say it was an episode. Maka, still behind the camera was wondering why he didn't just tell how the number seven was a terrible number. Wouldn't that help their cause of spreading the important information of being symmetrical?

"You really tick me off Kid…" the former criminal mumbled to herself. "You all know the number of this episode, well that number is a horrible number. It is not symmetrical in anyway. The number eight is far superior and this number should never be spoken around Kid. You cannot divided this number horizontally or vertically in a perfect way, it is garbage and should have been created symmetrically instead of its inferior existence."

"Hey look we filled in the time! Good job sis! Alright be sure to tune in for the eighth episode of Symmetry Talk it's gonna be perfect!" Patti exclaimed, it was fun doing Kid's job for once.

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><p>Author's Note: Next is the eighth episode! Thanks for reading and whatnot!<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Pure Perfection**

"Hello, glorious viewers! Do you know what today is?" Death the Kid spoke merrily as he appeared in view of the camera. "Today is the most amazing episode of Symmetry Talk! That's right it is the much anticipated eighth episode! By now you must be aware that symmetry is the most important thing in the world. Of course you must have noticed that eight is the most amazing symmetrical number in the entire world."

By now Kid had grown into a dreamy state. Most likely fantasizing about a giant symmetrical eight. It wouldn't be shocking at all, especially to his two weapon partners that held the camera in a symmetrical fashion. As it wouldn't be suited for Death the Kid any other way. It especially wouldn't be suited for such a perfectly symmetrical episode if the camera was held in an asymmetrical fashion.

"Now let us go into the details that make the number eight so beautiful in its symmetrical glory. First of all, it can be cut in half both vertically and horizontally perfectly. That alone makes it amazing. Thus you should make your life revolve around not only symmetry but the number eight. It's an easy rule to follow, but of course sometimes eight may not be the best number to use for certain cases, and in those cases multiples of eight are suitable, such as the number four. Though I still recommend the number eight, since it is clearly the most beautiful and symmetrical number. The number eight is perfection at its finest. And with that being said I'm afraid that it is time for us to conclude this final episode of Symmetry Talk. Thank you my loyal symmetry lovers and farewell, it is now time for you to take leave from this program and help spread symmetry around the world!" Small tears appeared in Death the Kid's eyes as he said good-bye for the last time, "Make me proud!"

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><p>Author's Note: Sorry to the followers, reviewers, and those who have favorited this story for it taking so dang long for this to be written, and that it probably sucks DX I wanted to make this so symmetrical and have 888 words as well as have it done and uploaded on August 8th...we see how that worked out...so I suppose I have failed Kid-kun...but anyway thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed, and favorited! ^^<p> 


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